Witwat.net

"There's always something more to Dr. Pepper."

I was feeling disgruntled today to start with but when I stumbled across this while skimming over my seldom-read RSS feeds, I moved from disgruntled to outright disgusted.

First of all, quotes in such a context are most typically intended to convey something that was spoken. I absolutely must refuse to believe that someone actually spoke those words aloud. I do not believe it possible. I think that the human mind must have some sort of defense mechanism which will shut off the flow of blood to the brain before allowing someone to utter such unspeakably insipid marketing drivel aloud. An actual quote would have come out as, "There's always something more tooooaaaarrrggghhhhaaaaaahhh... zzz..."

I stand by this belief because it's all I can do to keep from falling into complete and utter despair.

We're not exactly talking about a beacon of journalistic integrity here, but you can't expect people to suddenly decide, "Hey, that string of semi-coherent jargon really makes me want to play a cap-matching game on my iPod while drinking a cool, refreshing, flavor-packed Dr. Pepper®™!" That just doesn't happen in real life.

You are actually trying to sell your product in the really-real world, aren't you, Mr. Marketing Drone? Wouldn't your corporate taskmasters be disappointed if they found out that you're selling your product exclusively to your imaginary friends to whom this sort of thing makes sense?

If your company pushes out some crappy ad campaign, just man up and say, "Yes, it may be a blatant attempt at advertising but we're actually pleased to have had the chance to allow some developers funding for developing their game - and a fun game at that - in exchange."